Fitness Follow Up

Thanks, first of all, to all those who commented on the previous post, either on the actual blog, by facebook, e-mail, or otherwise. I got lots of advice, but the main thing I got was that it's better to do something I can maintain than to burn myself out Running From Satan. I think this is true on the small scale - an individual workout, as well as on the larger scale - this whole weight-loss quest.

As a person who has considered myself to be a "big girl" for most of my life, I have unsuccessfully tried many times to lose weight, with various motivations. Usually, the motivation was some kind of image-related thing. Usually I decided I didn't like being a size whatever, and I would go on a very short term crusade, and then eventually I'd decide that I actually like myself just fine the way I am. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I have never hit "rock bottom" in terms of self image - I've always liked myself, body included, pretty well with the exception of a few bad pictures or bad days. I think this is mostly a good thing, except that maybe under other circumstances I might have gotten more motivated earlier in life.

This time around, my motivations are a little different, more health-oriented. Maybe another time I'll talk more about that in detail... but the main thing for today is that I feel like that change in motivation is making a difference. Tonight, after a long day of arts and music camp at church, housework, an impromptu nap, and rehearsal in Lewisville, I got home a little after 10pm. I then went to the fitness center and did a 30 minute workout on the treadmill. Details on the workout are in the comments section of yesterday's post. This is a huge victory for me, and I think it's really all about trying to live a healthier lifestyle, be more active, and do healthy people things.

Another change for me is, as much as people often recommend working out with a friend... I think that working on this more independently has been good for me. Times that I have worked out or otherwise tried to lose weight with others, I've usually ended up feeling inadequate in one way or another. This is no fault of my friends, I don't think.... I think I've had some weird mental blocks in the exercise department for basically my whole life.

I was celebrating tonight's workout success with my husband, and I told him that I was sweating like crazy, which led to a moment of revelation on my part.

I have always stopped at the threshold of exertion.

I have always seen sweating as a bad thing and grounds for embarrassment.

My husband, a soccer player in younger days, laughed at this concept... and I realize it's a silly thing... but I think I know where it comes from, at least a little bit.

As early as elementary school PE class, I remember getting winded playing kickball, dodgeball, whatever. As I remember feeling like I was the only one who was getting sweaty and out of breath, which I found embarrassing - a red flag that I was out of shape, the fat kid, whatever. So, I would immediately dial it back to avoid embarrassment. Somewhere along the line, this became my definition of pushing myself too far, and I think this has remained true for a long time. Possibly all the way until, well... tonight.

So, that's my revelation of the night. Sweating is OK. Sweating is actually a good thing and I should do it more. So, that's the new plan.